Missing my Mom

Four months have passed since my Momi's passing. Painful memories are still fresh that I can't help thinking about it. Many people comforted me with their words... but still I feel lost.

My mom died in Breast Cancer with Liver Metastasis and Liver Cirrhosis. Her case was a complicated one but we lingered in high hopes of Momi's full recovery. It was Momi's request to the Lord to have an easy death. She never wished to live longer if she's weak, sickly or suffering. Momi's pain tolerance was really low but she tried to fight back against Cancer. She tried her best to take the pain in all of the piercings she needed to undergo. Momi was also diagnosed with Diabetic Mellitus II for more than 25 years and was under maintenance of Insulin.

I miss my mom bigtime. She died June 22, 2008 --- Sunday night when I was the only one taking care of her. It was a blessing in disguise when her bestfriend and her nurse came by around 5:45 pm, or I might have been doomed in so much grief. I never occurred in my mind that it would be her last day. I injected her insulin around 7am as i nstructed by her doctor. Momi was starting to get weak at that time because she was complaining about her painful hemorrhoid. She asked one of our househleps to buy a medicine for anti-hemorrhoid. She had a light breakfast and a pineapple slice. She didn't even finish her food since her tummy felt so full. Momi's tummy got bigger everyday because of the stored water.

Taking care of Momi with her condition was really difficult. I got panic and afraid sometimes but I had to hide it to myself. I had to go out of the room and cry to my heart's content. My mom must not see me crying or afraid. I wanted to remain calm and hopeful in her eyes even if I was trembling inside. I love my mom so much and I wanted to keep her alive. I miss the times when Momi and I profoundly talked about so many things. She's my confidant, my best friend, and sometimes my argumentative opponent. I miss everything about Momi.

I love her so much...